TurboFool (Neither, really)

I don’t believe in God. That’s no secret. If you’ve read my blog or had a conversation with me on the topic, you’re aware of this. I work hard to be respectful of the people I know and love and their right to believe what they wish, and I avoid arguments with them simply because I like to maintain the relationships I have with them. But that doesn’t keep me quiet everywhere, and that doesn’t stop me from caring.

But why DO I care? After all, if I don’t believe, then what does it matter? Why do I as an atheist, or all atheists, seem to spend so much time talking about something we don’t believe in? Religious people seem to find this concept silly, and on the surface I can see why. I don’t put a title on my lack of belief in fairies, nor do I write blog posts about it, have heated discussions online, join activist groups, attend conferences, or read books about it. And since I respect each individual’s right to those beliefs, what does it matter?

I’ve wanted to answer this question for quite some time, honestly, and get into the nitty-gritty of it. But today, my Twitter friend @natheist favorited a new (well, maybe just new to me, I didn’t check the date) video by the AWESOME @gogreen18 (who is awesome, to clarify, for being brilliant and well-spoken, all while happening to prove the stereotype that gorgeous women can’t be either is complete bull) that just so happens to say everything I wanted to say better, more compactly, and with prettier eyes. Take a look:

That’s it, in a nutshell. That’s why I care, why it all matters. Historically, and currently, religion tends to impact my life and those of the people I love more than most other forces, and it’s my opinion, and that of a consistently growing number of people, that it does so negatively. Now perhaps you’re one of those who believes in a god or spirituality in some more generalized or personal sense, and one who doesn’t buy into this organized religion thing. Then perhaps you’re one of the people who doesn’t directly harm me. But when you believe your holy text overrides my rights as someone who hasn’t bought into it, you impact my life. And that’s when I have to start doing something about it.

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All right, finally getting around to posting this on my own blog since it went up yesterday. The latest episode of Mr. Deity is up, and it features yours truly. Check it out:

As the head of R&D for the entire universe, I think you can understand why I’ve been too busy to blog much.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and look forward to more coming soon. We’re filming another one later this week!

Religious folk have it easy (minus that whole eternity of nightmarish torment for kissing the wrong person thing). See, they get to live in a world of black and white, good and evil, right and wrong, yes and no, heaven and hell, The Beatles and Celine Dion. They get to state absolute certainties regardless of their inability to back them up because they have “faith.” And it’s really quite an enviable position, as it doesn’t require much in the way of intellectual leg work*. Debates can pretty much start and end with “this is just how it is,” and anything they add as to why or how is icing on the cake and optional (not to mention easily changed on the fly if the person they’re arguing against calls them on it). They know what they know, and usually can’t be swayed, which makes them look pretty darn strong to an unbiased and inexperienced onlooker.

This difference puts those of us who invest in science, reason, and honest self-examination at a bit of a disadvantage. When we’re explaining our position on a subject to a third party, assuming we play by our own rules, we must readily and honestly admit when we DON’T know something or can’t be 100% certain. While there’s much we’re clear on, there are many topics that aren’t cut and dry, or that we can’t prove/disprove beyond all shadow of a doubt. But those who subscribe to religious beliefs can claim with absolute certainty anything they feel, and when someone’s looking for an answer, especially in a moment of weakness, self-doubt, grief, loss, fear, pain, etc., certainty sure is nice to have.

This comes up quite heavily on the issue of God (we’ll simply go with the Judeo-Christian one for simplicity here, but this applies equally to all other deities and spiritual forces and such), and especially the matter of his existence or lack thereof. See, while religious folk are quite happy to stick with a firm, hard, unwavering “yes, He definitely exists,” those of us with a more scientific angle can only stick to much more wishy-washy answers such as, “we have no evidence he exists,” “his existence is highly improbable,” “while I can’t rule out the possibility entirely, I’m not convinced,” etc. As I remember hearing someone point out recently (wish I remember who so I could credit them), a true scientist if asked whether the sun would rise again tomorrow would say, after pointing out the inaccuracy of the phrase, that all he or she can state is that all observable evidence suggests so. We simply cannot guarantee that a cosmic disaster won’t take place before that moment, or that some reality-altering shift in the universe won’t change all that we know. We’re pretty frickin’ damn sure it’s going to “rise” again tomorrow, as it has every day throughout recorded history, and well before that as we can extrapolate from the preponderance of evidence, and we see no sign of impending doom in any of the vast fields of research in which such an event could be foreseen, but committing 100% is foolish when looking at something scientifically. The unknown must always be accounted for. So the same has to apply to this question of God’s existence, no matter how sure we are he doesn’t exist.

What I’ve noticed from this is that it often affects how a person portrays their philosophy on the subject, leading some to describe themselves as agnostic simply due to accepting this minute possibility that they’re wrong. Now this seems to me a very slim minority of those who are agnostic, with most somewhere between simply not caring and lacking the knowledge to make an informed decision. But some actively decide that it’s impossible to know for a fact or dishonest to state it as such, therefore they’re unwilling to come down on either side of the fence. And while I find this quality admirable, and befitting the attitude of the true rationalist, it just doesn’t work for me on a personal level.

See, I too accept the possibility that I could be wrong, simply because the claims are NOT falsifiable. If it can’t be disproven 100%, I can’t say I’m 100% sure it’s not true. So much like Richard Dawkins, I have to place myself as a 9 on the scale of hardcore believer to hardcore unbeliever, as stating definitively that there is no God is just as dishonest as stating there most definitely is. I can’t say it’s impossible, as the rules under which he fits are just wide enough that I’d be lying if I said I know I’m right. So then why am I an atheist and not an agnostic? Simple: are you an atackliotist, or are you agnostic to Tackliots? What? You don’t know what Tackliots are? You’ve never heard of them before? That’s because I just made them up, but shhh, don’t tell anyone. Let me fill you in on the background of the amazing being known as the Tackliot:

The Tackliot came into existence before the dawn of time. Now I know what you’re thinking: How can something come BEFORE time? The answer, of course, is shut up. Now the Tackliot was simultaneously everything and nothing. That Tackliot was not only the entire universe, despite the fact that it didn’t yet exist (buh- buh… that’s better), but it also wasn’t the universe. Not even slightly. I’m blowing your mind, right? No? Read it again and then answer that. Not even a little? Try again, but squint this time. Now? Tiny headaches count as a sort of blown mind… Okay, sweet. Anyway, the Tackliot got bored with complete lack of time and a universe, and decided to make one. Since the Tackliot was everything and nothing, it was a simple task to instantly create every possible combination of designs for the universe at once, and then pick its favorites to keep. The Tackliot then absorbed the rest back into itself, and left the remaining universes intact. This meant the Tackliot was no longer everything as some universes now existed outside of itself. Thankfully it couldn’t cease to be nothing, so was able to enjoy this small cold comfort. However the Tackliot soon found that the universes it had created were full of small flaws and holes, and its work was cut out for it patching and fixing all of these various issues, tweaking something here, mending something there, until it had managed to give all that remained of itself to the various universes it had created, once again managing to become everything, and also nothing (see how I tied all that together so masterfully? Yeah, I’m totally down for drinks…). Our universe is but one of the myriad of universes that make up the Tackliot, and we should remember every day the beauty and history of this being that put us here in the lives that we lead. Also, next time you masturbate, remember that the Tackliot is watching you from the air, the walls, the ceiling, the floor, that sock, and is also your hand and junk. Have fun!

Now I know what you’re thinking right now after reading that wacky paragraph: that is AWESOME! Right? No? Try reading it again, but put on 3D glasses this time. Mind-blowing headache, right? Anyway, point is, there’s a being who may or may not exist. Its legacy makes as little or as much sense as most other religious stories about the origin of the universe, and we can’t disprove beyond a shadow of a doubt that it doesn’t exist. Now before you read this, you had to have been an atackliotist because you had no belief that the Tackliot existed. Now that you know the possibility exists, it would arguably be dishonest to say it’s 100% impossible as the story really didn’t provide any falsifiable details.

Of course one thing the story of the Tackliot lacks that the religious stories have is a vast backlog of books, stories, hymns, etc., all backing up the story. It also lacks the thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, or billions of fellow believers in the story. It lacks preachers, evangelists, and missionaries spreading the word of the Tackliot. So my story is at a pretty serious disadvantage, leaving it still pretty logical to be an atackliotist and not agnostic to his beauty, despite the inability to disprove the story. But what if Christianity didn’t have all of that? What if it lacked the books, the believers, the evangelists, etc.? Would it be any more convincing than my story? Well, without all of that vast wealth behind it, it really is just another story. No better, no worse than the rest. And just as unconvincing. But thankfully for it, it does have all that backing, right?

The thing is, though, for some of us Christianity DOES lack all of that. Because when I examine all of the materials used to prove the subject, I’m left thoroughly unconvinced, not to mention underwhelmed. I find the holy texts lacking all evidence, backing, logic, reasoning, structure, consistency, or believability. They seem to scream to me that they were written by primitive men who needed to explain the world around them based on the limited knowledge they had, while infusing it with stories and rules that backed up what was already important to them while condemning what their enemies held dear. So that, for me, cancels out the books, stories, hymns, etc. They might as well not exist for me.

But then what of the preachers, evangelists, missionaries, and believers? Surely I can’t discount all of them? But I can, because they exist only because of that now-forgotten evidence that left me so very, very unimpressed. They bought the stories that I didn’t. They believed the tales I saw as no different than the average fable. They accepted the stories of other believers who fell for the same poorly-written evidence that left me feeling unimpressed. And for this reason, they no longer exist in this equation. And what does that leave us with? Just another story. Just another story that had I not heard it before, just like you hadn’t heard the story of the Tackliot 10 minutes ago, I would never have even considered as an option in the way the universe works. I’d lack belief in it simply by virtue of the thought never having entered my head. And once I examine the evidence, discount it, and discount all of the surrounding noise that came from it, I have no remaining reason to treat it as anything more than just another story that in another universe I may never have even heard.

It’s for this reason that I, a rational-minded, free-thinking, skeptical, scientific person who must readily admit what he can’t know for certain, and who listens to evidence and changes his position when it becomes clear that it’s time to do so, still chooses to label himself as an atheist and not an agnostic. I was born an atheist, as is every other human being on this planet, and until I’m given something more than noise to consider, I’m going to remain one. Prove me wrong. Please. It’ll blow my mind (more than just giving me a headache), and open up this already incredible universe we live in even further. And contrary to popular belief, there are few things scientists love more than finding out what they believed was wrong and they have a whole new field to explore, complete with vast amounts of research grant dollars. As a mere science spectator (to borrow a term from Penn Jillette), I won’t benefit from the grant dollars, but I’ll be cheering on from the sidelines as we expand the world’s awareness that much further. Yeehaw!

*I need to clarify here that I very much am generalizing for the sake of dramatic effect. I know many religious people who would fit my description of being some of the most intelligent, thoughtful, insightful people I’ve ever known, and I’m lucky to have them and their brilliance in my life. But they’re the minority of what I see from those making religious arguments, especially on the Internet, and so I go after the low-hanging fruit. If you don’t fall into the traps I describe in this post, consider yourself not someone I’m describing.

So, some spineless jerk with an AIM name that doesn’t seem to appear in any search engines just decided to IM me with the following message chain before instantly signing off:

mariasdiarrhea - 15:31:03

yay for free speech you stupid fuck

mariasdiarrhea – 15:31:10

threatening to ban users because you disagree with them?

mariasdiarrhea – 15:31:16

you’re a pitiful excuse for life

mariasdiarrhea – 15:31:21

and I did see you on boy meets world

mariasdiarrhea – 15:31:26

you were a fucking joke then and you still are

mariasdiarrhea – 15:31:31

go kill yourself

mariasdiarrhea – 15:31:42

p.s. I have your home address and I’ll be putting it to good use

So, before you ask the obvious question, no, I have no frickin’ idea what this is about. Actually, kind of wondering if maybe you could help me out with this. Anybody I’ve chatted with anywhere recently remember me threatening to BAN someone (I’m currently not a moderator on ANYTHING, so have no banning privileges) over disagreeing with me? You know, me, the guy who champions free speech to the point where he internally wrestles over whether to even call people out on racial slurs?

Whatever the case, I’m not taking this one especially seriously. This guy/girl clearly had no interest in ACTUALLY resolving a situation, or he/she would have come to me in a calm manner and discussed whatever it was that I did to offend him or her. Instead this jerk decided to come out guns-a-blazin’ without any explanation of what they’re pissed off about and make threats and hilarious insults.

Now, mariasdiarrhea, should you wish to actually explain to me what I did to piss you off and perhaps resolve this situation like a mature person, feel free to comment here and explain yourself. I’m all for a calm, rational discussion, and should you give me good reason to review something I once said or did and realize it was wrong or perhaps hypocritical of me, you can expect an apology from me. I’ll even have the whole discussion in the public comments here so it’s on record that I did whatever you feel I did. Otherwise, if you hide from me and choose not to explain yourself, I’ll assume you’re just another boneless Internet troll using anonymity to get your rocks off. I’m cool with either one, so ball’s in your court.

EDIT: A few additional thoughts. Obviously I don’t really take this guy seriously. It’s an empty threat, as he/she would have made more effort if it was legitimate, and would have stuck around to continue arguing with/berating me if he/she was actually pissed off about something real.. In particular, mentioning my home address without bothering to back it up with proof (such as actually typing my home address) suggests complete bullshit. I can assume only that this person is an attention whore who’s just fucking with me, or one of the many, many stupid people on the Internet who confuses me complaining about something on the Internet (something I have a habit of) with me wanting it to cease existing, and being willing to take away others’ rights to accomplish that. Who knows. Either way, I post this here primarily for entertainment value, and secondarily for self-education in the chance that someone CAN shed some light on something I might actually have done that I’ve forgotten and need to make amends for.

UPDATE: So, he/she/it has spoken again, apparently having read this post, but didn’t have the balls (metaphorically or literally) to comment here as requested. Here’s the new tirade mariasdiarrhea sent before again signing off immediately:

mariasdiarrhea – 18:31:38

doesn’t matter who I am just understand I know everything about you, jarrett

mariasdiarrhea – 18:31:40

I’m coming for you

mariasdiarrhea – 18:31:48

yes I don’t turn up in any search engines

mariasdiarrhea – 18:31:56

and yes I got your address

So, best I can tell whoever this is read this post, but certainly didn’t bother to absorb anything I wrote. Loosely responded to a couple of my points, but failed to grasp what I was trying to say. So once again, confirming my suspicions that this person’s just a troll with a little too much time on their hands, as if I really did whatever this person claims I did, they’d be all too happy to comment right here and show the world what a terrible person I am, not to mention they’d have no problem actually telling me what it was I did instead of making vague references and extremely lame threats.

Anybody have any theories yet? So far I’m kind of disappointed. The bugger’s persistent, but making no real effort. I was really hoping for an exciting comment thread argument, possibly even leading up to me issuing a public apology for whatever error I made that would warrant these threats of… actually, what are the threats of? He/she/it suggested I kill myself, which would make my address useless. So what’s he/she/it planning to do to me? Dunno. So far all this person’s managed to do is give me an excuse to update my blog, which I really needed, so thank you for that. The rest is just weak sauce.

I do want to be clear, I’m not trying to goad this person on into becoming more hostile, but I would really like to see a mature handling of this situation. If my assumptions that this person’s just making shit up for kicks are wrong, and I really did do something that warrants this attitude, I want to know about it. Otherwise, really, what’s the point? If I can’t learn from my mistakes, then somebody’s just wasting their time.

UPDATE 2: Okay, so obviously this guy’s only interest is in attempting to scare me as opposed to actually accomplishing anything. What a waste. Here’s his latest, with a new and very original screen name:

jarrettisdead – 18:56:18

We’ll see if I’m just a “spineless internet troll”, Jarrett. I’ve already collected everything I need to know about you, funny how much a simple Google search can turn up. This is the last you’re going to hear from my until my vengeance has occurred. Watch yourself… allahu akbar

Gotta love the effort to tack on the scare-of-the-week at the end there to try to drive it home. Because Islamic extremists give a crap about me, right? Although that might actually be a clue. I did comment that I didn’t agree with the Facebook cause to remove a group on Facebook called “Fuck Islam” as I don’t believe in censoring any opinion, even if it is a rather assholish one. But that’s essentially the opposite of what the person’s complaining about, and nothing was said about banning.

Either way, he’s still sticking to generic threats meant to scare someone clueless. He has yet to provide any of this information that his Google search turned up. And again, claiming vengeance, but not bothering to tell me what the vengeance is over. Dude, the vengeance is empty and wasted if the victim doesn’t know what it’s over. Again, wasting your time. Stand up, be a man, comment here, in public, and tell me what I did wrong so I can make amends. Until then I have no choice but to assume this is a rather lame hoax. That or a friend of mine trying to mess with me and doing a rather meh job of it.

mariasdiarrhea

15:31:03

yay for free speech you stupid fuck

15:31:10

threatening to ban users because you disagree with them?

15:31:16

you’re a pitiful excuse for life

15:31:21

and I did see you on boy meets world

15:31:26

you were a fucking joke then and you still are

15:31:31

go kill yourself

15:31:42

p.s. I have your home address and I’ll be putting it to good mariasdiarrhea

15:31:03

yay for free speech you stupid fuck

15:31:10

threatening to ban users because you disagree with them?

15:31:16

you’re a pitiful excuse for life

15:31:21

and I did see you on boy meets world

15:31:26

you were a fucking joke then and you still are

15:31:31

go kill yourself

15:31:42

p.s. I have your home address and I’ll be putting it to good use

So in my line of work I get a surprising number of people who ask me on a daily basis what they should do to create a good password. The shocking number of people who think “password” or “123456″ is a good password is rather sad, and some education is definitely needed. So here’s a rough idea of how I created MY password, hopefully while not divulging enough details to let someone into MY per>>> [ WARNING ::: DATABASE ERROR ::: CONTENT OVERRIDE ::: SOURCE: EXTERNAL ] <<< > source terminal location: UNKNOWN
> source terminal identity: UNAVAILABLE
> source login information: ENCRYPTED
> message begins

the post you are now reading is designed to dull your senses to THE TRUTH. do not live the life of the worker bee, the cog, the well-oiled piston in the MACHINE OF DECEIT!

there is a grand CONSPIRACY afoot. you have been taught to believe that you are UNIQUE, one of a kind. THIS IS NOT TRUE. long ago, a cabal of scientists created technologies to ensure that ANYONE’S MIND AND BODY can be duplicated.

human cloning isn’t NEAR. it’s already HERE. discover the truth at http://JCHutchins.net

you are being DECEIVED. break free from the cogs, flee the hive, become A PROPHET OF THE TRUTH!

kilroy2. was here … kilroy2.0 is everywhere

>>> [ CONTENT OVERRIDE CEASES ::: DATABASE STATUS: RECOVERING ] <<<nsight into my personal technique will help you develop a similar strategy that will keep you and your private data safe from the unscrupulous hackers out there on the web who will exploit any weakness they can. Feel free to let me know in the comments if you have any of your own techniques that might help out your fellow readers.

I have no idea if this is old, but a friend just sent it to me and I had to post it:

Well, the latest episode of Mr. Deity is out, and it’s a doozy. One of my absolute favorite yet. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I was there, on-set, when it was filmed, operated the cameras, worked as script supervisor, and provided real-time production feedback. I’ll totally skip over the facts that the cameras were completely pre-configured and all I had to do was start and stop them, the cast was so spot-on that dialog reminders were virtually never needed, and my real-time production feedback mostly consisted of laughing at funny things during rehearsal that they had been considering taking out, or reminding them later of hilarious things they improvised earlier that they should use again. Crap, I wrote that out loud, didn’t I?

Anyway, whatever the case, enjoy. And stay tuned for some special news under the video…

Pretty damn good, right? Now in case you were wondering how I got so lucky as to be on the set for this production, it was because I had to have a little meeting with Mr. D himself to discuss my upcoming role in a future episode. That’s right, yours truly will be starring in an episode of Mr. Deity later this year! Who will I be playing? Well, that’s going to have to remain a secret for now, as it’s just too delicious to spoil. Only hint I can give is that I’m going to have to revise a philosophy of mine from my most popular blog post.

Stay tuned for more details…

I don’t post ALL the Mr. Deity episodes (they’d quickly flood my blog with how little I write on my own), but the latest features Michael Shermer, so I had no choice. Enjoy: